You know what I struggle with? Authenticity vs. positivity on social media.

This has been bothering me for quite a while.

The idea that in an effort to spread positivity and be encouraging to others–to be a “bright spot” in the scroll–I’m not always being 100% authentic and my good intentions may be backfiring.

For instance, I don’t post about how freaking hard it is to be a Creative. No one wants to hear about that, right? It is what it is, and what it is is hard. What’s the point of posting about it? I’m keenly aware that it’s a rare privilege to make a living doing something you’re passionate about. How can I complain when so many people would happily give up their day jobs to have that luxury?

So, I post beautiful portraits from our sessions; I share fun behind-the-scenes pics from the camera room; I share inspirational stories of my clients; I share the successes Michael and I have as individuals and as a studio–not to #humblebrag, but because we really are truly grateful.

I share glimpses into the creative process itself: Inspiration, books I’m reading, sketches of set ideas, the planning of projects, etc. Everyone loves to know how the cake is baked and these kind of posts often yield the most reaction.

Our life looks amazing and our business appears near perfect. And don’t get me wrong, our life IS amazing and our studio is pretty great too.

But the fact of the matter is that that’s not the entire story. There’s a whole other side to the process that I don’t post about. Being a Creative can be dark, lonely, paralyzing. But again, no wants to read about that, right?

However, by not posting about the hard stuff, I’m actually feeding into the myth and over glorification of perfection. Unintentionally, I’m giving the illusion that being a Creative is easy and I have no problems…maybe even making you feel inadequate if you happen to be struggling.

The reality of the matter is that there are struggles and our life isn’t perfect. In fact, I’m currently facing a pretty significant creative block over here.

There. I said it.

I feel like I’m flailing and sinking as I frantically try to find a lifeline to bring me back to the shores of creativity and success. I am not a circus monkey; I can’t always perform on command. Yet the inability to do so renders me gutted.

You wouldn’t know that though because I haven’t been posting about it.

Instead, I continued posting as normal until I finally didn’t even have the energy to do that–and my feed fell silent until I disappeared–feeling more isolated than ever.

But, who is this serving??  By not sharing the hard stuff, am I putting you in the position of comparing your authentic life to my “positive” social media life? …and as a result, are you feeling like you’re: (1) doing something wrong, (2) less than, (3) not good enough if your life doesn’t look like mine? Lord knows I have felt–and continue to feel–all of those things when I look at other people on social media.

I was sharing these thoughts with a friend of mine recently and she asked me why I was constantly comparing my “backstage” to everyone else’s “opening night”. That hit home, big time. But now it occurs to me: I’ve inadvertently been guilty of showing you only MY “opening night”.

So, I’ve been over here trying to be positive and authentic when the fact of the matter is that those two things don’t always cohabitate. Maybe, an occasional look behind the curtain–even when it’s not “happy”–would actually benefit you more than the stream of inspirational quotes and funny memes.

Maybe, just the sheer knowledge that I, too, struggle with crippling self-doubt, debilitating procrastination, and an immense [self-imposed] pressure to constantly perform at the very highest level, will give you permission to be kinder to yourself. And maybe that’s actually more valuable than just being a “bright spot” in your scroll.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s not authenticity vs. positivity after all. Maybe authenticity IS positivity.

Here’s to us showing up…as we are, perfectly imperfect, even when it’s not pretty, doing the best we can and being a source of encouragement to each other.